the wheels of the world are a vicious cycle

the topic says it all. i seem to be caught in an infinite loop. round and round is goes. from one point to another and inevitably ending up right back to a familiar spot of discomfort. it doesn't seem to elude me. regardless of how i tread and no matter how hard i try to steer clear... i always seem to get sucked back into the cycle. everyday is supposed to be a new one but mine has a habit of drawing into itself, things from days passed. be it recent or ancient, it recycles the scenarios. i tend to stumble upon things that i guess i wasn't supposed to know or find. its frustrating. it makes it an even greater effort to persevere when one is already so beaten and tired.
perhaps thats just it. i'm just tired of it all. at times i'm inclined to admit that maybe, just maybe i never really recuperated. there is a missing i've learnt to live with cause i'm not prepared to do anything about it.
its plausible that i get irritated or bored with people's bullschit cause they don't make any sense on an intellectual level. i wonder if they can actually hear themselves. if i can admit to my shortcomings, why can't they? whats with all the bs excuses and such.
are my standards too high?
now there's a glass half full. everyone's entitled to their own selection of an ideal partner. i don't think its unattainable. i've been there and lived it. i put my heart and soul into it and have never regretted a moment of it. despite the fact it was supposed to have been an everlasting commitment that only death would set apart. fact of the matter is, i'm not dead yet, just very tired from the first attempt.
she never took her troubles anywhere else for her shoulders were broad. our problems were our own and we never needed to turn to anyone. what ever was between us was ours to solve. i understood that there were only 2 in a relationship cause thats all you needed to tango. she understood who i was even when i couldn't.
...and yet...

*shrugs*