back again...

its been what? .. way too long. like they say, long time between drinks.
i had almost completely forgotten i had a blog. ding ding!

i'm back in sg again... tad ta da dah!
alot can happen between drinks. a relationship can crumble.. a life lost and a statistic recorded.
what really is a statistic?
The American Heritage Dictionary has one definition:
"One viewed as a nameless item of statistical information"
a nameless item of statistical information.. from one person's view point.
the key is view point. how you see things will always be factored by how far you can tilt your head.. ie. how objective you allow yourself to be.
we are all inevitably a statistic. like it or not. we are victims of our own crimes. we judge even when we ask not to be. we constantly contradict ourselves in the battle of what we know to be as life. we seek acceptance from our peers while at the same time we are so quick to criticize them for their own short comings.
it is so hard to be true to one's self?
but yet we struggle and strive to attain some kind of respectable presence.
is all the bullshit that f*ggin necessary.
does being a statistic actually define you? or does it invoke a realization of unworthiness within us that we dare not face? to know that maybe, just maybe we're not as significant as we'd hoped to be?!
i always seem to digress to my favourite words... under darkness of everything you desire, in light of all you deny.
what does it mean?
well this is what it means to me...
we all have needs, wants, desires.. it is a fundamental human emotion to 'want'. be it something or someone.. it is what brings us to life. to feel alive... to feel 'something'. void of that fundamental 'want', life is robotic. you sleep, you wake up, you eat and drink, you cycle.
but pride is something that always seems to get in the way of anything remotely meaningful.
nobody wants to admit that they are vulnerable cause the moment you do, you're exposed! naked in the eyes of all who see you but still denying what is blatantly obvious!
i've been asked this question many times.. "so what am i? just another statistic on another day in the life of you?"
i can't answer that for you. i cannot validate your presence in my life if you don't feel the adequacy to be a part of it.
i'm not here to stroke egos, i'm here to live my life.
don't mistake me for a martyr who's trying to save the world but i am an open book for whoever wants to read.
if but one person can learn from the mistakes i've made then my mistakes will not go unjust.
...the best lessons are hard learnt.
you will never forget the one thing that hit you the hardest.
perhaps this is just my silly jibber jabber but i own it.. HAHA!

Zsa, you will never be truly happy until you learn to be yourself and not someone you admire or aspire to be.
let go of your ego as it will eventually consume you. appreciate the pain that life is going to throw you. EMBRACE it.. because, at the end of the day, you are what life will mould you to be. every emotion, every joy and heartbreak that comes your way, will define you... like it or not.
the one time you allow yourself to be vulnerable doesn't command time to stop, and the world along with everyone in it, to fall at your feet and recognize you.

you're a good person and you've got a good heart.. you just need to get your head around it!

and that my friend is as bare-faced as you will ever get me.. drunk as i am, this is my 2 cents!
c'est la vie =)